Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Abandon Pain All Ye Who Enter Here


Despite lacking a forceful inscription courtesy of Dante, the basements of innocuous buildings like this one are where secrets hide.  Not just the window-less-ness of 70's architecture and likely some KGB listening post left over from before the ground floor suites were a Subway and a realtor and there was something more interesting to spy on than condiment application and mortgage rates, but also how to get regular, easy-to-schedule massages on a nothing salary.

Just how do this nondescript box produce such wonders?

A massage school.

As I have said, recent and on-going research has not proved beyond doubt the widely held beliefs - and reliefs - that massage effectively counteracts the effects of intense and essentially destructive physical exertion.  Really nothing except long-standing tradition and reams of anecdotal evidence recommends regular massage for these purposes.  But what I do makes my body feel less better and I will do anything legal I can to make my body feel more better.  Plus imbalances, knots, adhesions, spasms, sprain, strains, tears, tweaks, and other fun stuff affect performance and without attention or warning, can quickly escalate to full-on couch-surfing injuries. 

My solution: massage schools.  Every major city, or at least those I have visited for training, has one.  All of the students are required to schedule a considerable number of clinic hours so clinics have numerous openings and flexible schedules.  And most importantly, costs are low and it's against the law to tip (because students are not yet licensed practitioners).  DC is middling at $37; B'ton is a fantastic $25; and Boulder, well, everything is more expensive in Boulder, so $50.  Massage students in Colorado must have extra large hands.

At those prices and availability, I can use massages as a recovery tool rather than just as a reward, although they are a little bit of that as well.

The KGB must have caught on as well.  Why else hide out in such an ugly building?

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