Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Music Dump: The I'm Gonna Have To Take Your A$$ To Church Edition

One of the best things about the invention of the iPod is that people can listen to NSFW music in the midst of other people.

A friend asked me to put together a couple of spin class music line-ups for her.  I realized how much of my best workout music CANNOT be played in a group spin class.  No way, no how, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go straight to "fired".

A good deal of the blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of Eminem, Royce Da 5'9, and T-Pain, but there are other offenders. I'm looking at you, Lil' Wayne.  Don Omar might even beat Eminem for most sexually suggestive, but he sings in a foreign language, so.

Yet some of it is so good for hard training.  This is exactly the type of pump-up music Grant and I have been trading back and forth.

So this music dump edition is my best training music that *must* be listened to on head phones.  Do not even think about pushing play on these Youtube videos without first checking to see if your toddler, mother, religious leader, or boss is standing behind you.  Better yet, throw them on your iPod and go do some hard intervals. 

Church, by T-Pain feat. Teddy Verseti

Before the end of the night I'm gonna have to take your a$$ to church

You ain't doing nothing but running your pie hole
You're gonna make me do something that'll get your eye swoll
I don't wanna be a rude dude man
Why you gotta [  ] up the park I'm gonna put you in the dark clap on clap off





Fast Lane, by Bad Meets Evil (aka Eminem and Royce Da 5'9)

Living life in the fast lane
moving at the speed of life and I can't slow down
only got a gallon in the gas tank
but I'm almost at the finish line
so I can't stop now
I don't really know where I'm headed
just enjoying the ride
just gonna roll til I drop and ride til I die 

** Skip this track if you don't understand how offensive Eminem can be.  If you're not sure you understand, skip it.




Remember The Name, by Fort Minor (side project of Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park) feat. Styles of Beyond

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name


** The clean version of this track has been used in commercials for the NBA play-offs and swimming for the 2012 London Summer Olympics.



Danza Kuduzo, by Don Omar feat. Lucenzo

Y Ese Fuego Que Quema Por Dentro Y Lento, Te Convierte En Fiera



'Till I Collapse, by Eminem

This is your moment and every single minute you spend trying to hold onto it
'cause you may never get it again.
So while you’re in it try to get as much shit as you can
And when your run is over just admit when it's at its end. 


** Very tame swear words in the grand scheme of things.  Don't let Fast Lane turn your off from this Eminem track.






Turn All The Lights On, by T-Pain feat. Ne-Yo

So I’m going hard
I need some lights, it’s way too dark
Oh yeah I’m going in
And now I’m with my friends
Let the party begin!
Turn all the lights on! 


** Would have been a radio-worthy edit if T-Pain had just refrained from telling his boss exactly how he felt about him.





We Takin' Over, by DJ Khaled feat. Akon, T.I., Bird Man, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, etc etc.

If you want to, we can supply you
Got enough work, to feed the whole town
They won't shoot you, unless you try to
Come around and try to stomp on our ground
'Cause we takin' over, one city at a time




Drop The World, by Lil' Wayne feat. Eminem

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain


I know what they don't wanna tell you
Just hope you're heaven sent, and you're hell proof
I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is a stain they can't wipe off


** This track wins for percentage of swears per total lyrics.  Which shouldn't surprise considering it is sung by the two of the dirtiest (but best) rappers in the business.  However, as a soundtrack for low-cadence, seated climb intervals, it can't be beat.



2 comments:

Dan said...

I think you are overestimating spin classes. I went to one at CYC Fitness last time I was in Madison and came out feeling like an old, boring, conservative (who seats a lot more than most people in that class). Aside from the instructor physically making love to her bike the lyrics made me want to blush. You know, had I not been beet red from actually pedaling.

theelegantmachine said...

I had NO idea you were a dirty rap fan... me too! Thanks for the entertainment during my study break. fun post!

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