Friday, November 7, 2014

I Won The Internet!

Guys!  I won an (pseudo-)award for writing!

Every five years, before reunion, Harvard graduates are offered the opportunity to write a class report.  The report is basically whatever you want to say (or not say) about what you have been doing the previous five years.  The reports are collected and published in the Red Book, literally a book with a blood red cover that each graduate receives before reunion.

My reports are...very me.

Last week I was notified that my report was chosen as one of the four to represent my class in the Best Class Reports of 2014 book.  Before you start asking when this volume will be available for purchase at your local independent bookseller, it appears this book is only provided to the people whose reports appear in it.

This practice is...very Harvard.

While I am not going to share my original report, I will share my response upon receipt of the Best Class Reports of 2014.

Subject Line: For Submission: 10 year and 5 Month Class Report

Hi Emily - 

I wanted to let you know that I received my Best Class Reports of 2014 this week and would like to thank the Academy.  Of course the Academy is N=1, but while it doesn't have official letterhead, it does have its own email signature.  

But truly, it was a surprise and an honor, I guess, that my description of my existential indecision was so inspiring to people who read literally thousands of these things.  My indecision was more indecisive than nearly everyone else's indecision!  And contained 23.5% more self-deprication to boot!  Mostly it was a surprise because I, and other grads to whom I crowed about my award, had no idea this compendium existed.  Now having been selected, I think choosing the best Class Reports of 2014 is a great idea.

The Best Class Reports of 2014 volume found me well in Bloomington, IN, now attending graduate school and like any good Harvard over-achiever, doing two Masters concurrently.  Nearly everyone at this institution to whom I spoke about doing two Masters concurrently was against the idea, and my response was "this will not be the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life." [Writing my Class Report for 2014 was.  Boom!] This fact is especially true considering that I am doing my masters at a state school.  And by that, I don't mean Yale.

Because you were nice enough to select me, here is a bit of a spoiler alert for my already-in-progress Class Report of 2019: whereas this year's report specified that no live organisms were reliant on me, next report I won't be able to say that.  Today I adopted a bunny from the ASPCA.  Actually - a spoiler alert on a spoiler alert - since no live organisms should be reliant on me, I may not have a bunny by the time the Class Report of 2019 goes in for final revisions.

No matter what happens, I promise that the pages of the Best Class Reports of 2014 will not be lining the bottom of my new bunny's cage.  In all sincerity, it was really nice of you guys (or whomever) to select my report.  I really like writing them and it is great to know that someone is reading and appreciating them, even if it isn't my fellow Class of 2004 graduates.


Kelzie E Beebe
Best Class Report writer evah bee-yatch!

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